you've been demoted.

There are a specific set of problems that come along with the single life:
     
          1) A lack of constant spooning.
          2) An overabundance of leftovers.
          3) Very few (ok, none at all) massages.
          4) Juggling women.


Now some of you may be going, "Wait, that last one is not a problem. That last one is baller status." But while not necessarily always a problem, it is something that must be dealt with occasionally. Dating is kind of like one of those Choose-Your-Own-Adventure books.
If you'd like to pursue a serious relationship with Sally, go to page 37.
If you'd like to stop dating Sally and become her friend, go to page 14.
If you'd like to start some drama, go to page 4.
If you'd like to either ignore Sally until she goes away or publicly bitch her out, close the book and burn it.

Ultimately when you are dating multiple people, at some point, you are going to have to demote someone. The best way to initially go about this is to say something along the lines of, "If we continue to date I think we might drive each other a little crazy, but let me tell you...I make one hell of a wingman." And then laugh it off. Puts a little of the crazy blame on yourself, and promises a future of acquiring new women together. Most people will just accept this one and life can go on. There are, however, the more dense of our species who just..don't...quite..get it.
If that's your case, these are your options:


Scenario 1
The demotee has become so beyond annoying and pestering that the idea of maintaining a friendship makes hanging out with your dentist seem like a good time.
          Solution 1 -  IGNORE. For as long as it takes. This will either work quickly or you'll receive a
          barrage of entertaining and increasingly desperate texts. A win either way, really.
          Solution 2 - Tell them you have a new boyfriend/girlfriend who you are madly in love with. 

          Describe the sex a bit. That pretty much nails the lid on.

Scenario 2

You want to maintain a friendship with the demotee, because they are fun and you genuinely like them as a human.

           Solution - Sit them down. Hold their shoulders like you're at a middle school dance. And say

          straight up, in your most serious voice, "We are friends. This has got to stop. Under absolutely no

          circumstances will we EVER be sleeping together again. Please back off my shit, or I will have to

          cut you."

If they respect you, that one will work. And if they don't...well then you're back at Scenario 1.

Perhaps practice this on a friend, or pet...

"What do you mean we can't hold hands anymore?"

"I said, I will cut you."

Bad Decision: Dating a bunch of people that probably know each other in the first place.

Better Bad Decision: Demoting some of them to friend, so you can still make out when you're drunk.

Life Lesson: You can never have too many friends.

...as long as you're not sleeping with all of them.

-LSLP, Ash.